Tere.
-a message telling you I can't think of a good introduction, sponsored by hyphens-


I went back to school today, but nothing actually happened apart from being abused in rugby. Saying that, it was actually quite fun today. But that's probably just because the game we played reminded me of The Hunger Games. We were split into four teams, all opposite, adjacent to each other and the was a pile of balls in the middle (or as I like to call it: the Cornucopia). If you were lucky enough to not be tackled by the meat-heads in the group, you had to get a ball and head back to your base. Then the rest of the game was spent getting beat up whilst running to other bases and grabbing their balls (don't). Nothing like a bit of school-promoted theft!


The only other 'highlight' if the day was going to the opticians. I only went because the doctor (giggle) suggested I should see if my eyes are the cause of the migraines, but it wasn't until I had finished the test, the optician said your eyesight has no link to migraines. It's alright, I love going to the other side of town for no reason. It turns out, I have 'excellent' eyesight anyway. Apparently, I looked like Harry Potter when I wore those special glasses (the ones with the big dial on the side that changes the focus as you read the letters off the wall - I'm not being funny but someone with 20:20 vision would struggle identifying the letters in the pathetic, excuse of a small font size), but it wasn't as bad as KFC, who looked the spit of Elton John.


I know it's late, but I went to London over the weekend so I haven't had access to a computer, but I'll try and get up to date as soon as possible! But that's about it, I'm off to sleep my migraine off, yay, talk to you tomorrow!
Joshua x


pretty picture:

harry potter meets doctor who?! (oh, and landscape is too mainstream)

Finished: 26/01/12 - 18:33 

Halló.
I know I always say this is going to be a short blog, but this really is. 


Nothing particularly happened at school, to be honest. We got our Geography exam results back though (which I was shocked by, considering she usually takes about millennium to mark anything). After the exam, I really wasn't feeling confident, but it turns out I got the highest in the class! I couldn't believe it either. So that was nice news which brightened my rather shit day. Well, it was only shit because I've had a constant headache all day - so I shouldn't really be on the computer typing this...


I was greeted by a small package on the doorstep when I arrived home - it was my 'The Hunger Games' bracelet! It took nearly three weeks to arrive, like, but I was still really excited to finally wear it. I actually adore 'The Hunger Games' - but I'll talk more about it closer to the movie adaptation release day. 23rd OF MARCH - MARK IT IN YOUR DIARIES (most people don't actually have diaries nowadays, do they? So just type it into your electronic calendar on your smart phone... please).


But apart from eat my bodyweight in Quality Street leftovers, I haven't really done much. I'm off to watch Masterchef (did I tell you that I loved this show?), talk to you tomorrow!
Joshua x 


pretty picture: 

it matches my bedroom!

finished: 24/01/12 - 22:25

您好.
Do the Chinese even use fullstops? I don't care, it looks aesthetically pleasing. I'm haven't really got the time (and nothing happened today) to write a long blog, so don't expect much.


Happy Chinese New Year! It's the year of the dragon! See, I'm acting like I am a Chinese annual celebration expert, but I'm not (shocking, I know). I wouldn't have even known it was this week if it wasn't for a slightly awkward assembly with the new deputy head (a bit of a battleaxe,  looks a bit like Dolores Umbridge, she's nice though), she told us all misinformed youth about how they celebrate holidays in different cultures. Apparently, I'm an Ox. Which I find kinda odd, considering I hate Oxtail Soup - but I guess it just means I'm not a cannibal, right? According to the Chinese Zodiac, I am born to lead, but stubborn, I have a good memory, I can see things as they are, so I'm not easily persuaded and I'm supposed to be good physically as well as mentally. I have to say, that does sound like me (if maybe not the physical side...). My suggest jobs include: surgeon, doctor (who?), construction manager, army general or business leader. None of them jump out to me, except the company head, but I'm not in the position to judge this, considering I haven't got a clue about what I want to be when I'm all big and grown-up. I've had the same mentality ever since I was in primary school, "I'll decide when the time comes". It also says Oxen are most compatible with a 'Rat', which so happens to be what my girlfriend is (not literally). There's not much else to bore you with, in regards of Chinese festivities, but I'll draw a line underneath it with a piece of chalk that looks like famous people who are also Oxen (it's not actually a bad group):  Napoleon Bonaparte (he's like ancient and stuff, isn't he?), George Clooney (I can see the clear similarities between me and him), Walt Disney (he's not a bad drawer), Richard Nixon (he was in Doctor Who, so he's fine in my book), Barack Obama (he seems nice), Wayne Rooney (ew), Vincent Van Gogh (also in Doctor Who, have a thumbs up from me, Vinnie).


Don't you hate spoilers? I can't bare them, especially if they completely ruin the story and the enjoyment of reading/watching it. What annoys me most is that it is usually fans of the material who leak it, I understand they're eager to get their hands on it but isn't it a bit disrespectful to the creators to just abuse their work like that? They put in so much hard work to craft something that will be enjoyed by the masses, so why do they feel the need to spoil that for so many people (I'm addicted to rhetorical questions, help)? You know the last page of a chapter in a book? I'm so worried I'll accidentally reading ahead and finding out a plot twist before I've read the build up, I often cover everything but the line I'm reading and slowly creep down. Sad, I know. The most recent spoiler I've had was yesterday night, while I was researching (copying) my English homework on Bitesize - we're currently reading the  American novel, Of Mice and Men, a story about the strong relationship between two men, suffering from the effects of the Great Depression and their journey towards the 'American Dream' - I was scanning through the character profiles of some of the minor characters when I had a glimpse of "----- kills -----" and "----- uses ----- gun to ------". I was actually gutted. Never mind, we only had a chapter or so left anyway. I strongly recommend the book, it's a lovely piece of literature that perfectly highlights the best and worse qualities of the envious, homicidal, crazy things we call humans.


That's about it, so I'm off to watch Masterchef (did I ever mention the fact I love this show?), talk to you tomorrow!
Joshua x


pretty picture:

(not so) fun fact: this was originally going to be my blog background image!

Finished: 23.01.12 - 21:18

Hei.
I haven't really done much today apart from complain about having a bad back (and eating), I wouldn't have had one if  I wasn't forced to sleep on the sofa, last night. As lovely as our sofa is, I won't be making a habit of it.


I was awoken by the sounds of my mum and older brother arguing. FUN. I'll fill you in on the back story firs. Lets call my older brother, Tobias, at the age of 19, he decided (well, not exactly decided) to get his 17 year old girlfriend, she can be Mercedes, pregnant. Its frightening to try and think back to the days where this sort of predicament would be severely frowned upon and not met with welcoming arms like it is in today's society. I say that, but my mother was never really, truly happy with the whole ordeal - it probably reminded her too much of her own teen years (and the fact she actually despised Mercedes). Now lets fast forward to just a few months ago, me and my younger brother slept at Tobias' house one night and my mum arrived in the morning to pick us up, like she usually does. However, when she got there, she wasn't too happy. She was 'disgusted' at the state of the house (it wasn't the tidiest of places...) and let my brother and his now fiancé, know about it. A slanging match inevitably occurred and it ended with my brother not speaking to my mum for a few weeks. The next time they spoke was when Tobias told my mum she can't see her grandson again (he was against it, but Mercedes insisted). Two weeks later, Tobias moved back in with us and they had supposedly split up. It was like this for about a month, if my brother had grown a pair in the first place and stood up to his girlfriend, it would have never happened. IT WAS ALL A BIT DRAMATIC (I usually just sat upstairs, out of the way, eating). But today, he's finally gone back to her. Yea - more room in the house! Nay - my mum feels like shit.


I know today's generation aren't as sharp as others that have passed, but my younger brother (faux-name: Kornelius Francis Chimp - KFC for short) gave me a wonderful, intelligent insight into his mind earlier on whilst we were watching 'Talent Show Story' - it showed some black and white clips of decommissioned programmes.

"You know back in the olden days? What happened when everything suddenly turned into colour? Like not black and white any more."

I was in stitches. I literally fell on the floor, pissing myself (this, not so literal). He actually thought, everything was black and white in the 'olden days'. He's twelve! Fair enough if he was still in primary school  and only getting to grips with the world, but he's in his first year of high school! After I got my breath back, I attempted to explain how the world was actually in colour and it was just the low quality cameras. I still don't think he fully understands.


For some reason, the date on this blog has gone a bit 'David Cameron and Celine Dion's love child-y', so just pretend it says '22 Jan'. Edit: It's working now! Resume normal service. But yeah, I'm off to finish my cheese and crackers (I ate all the grapes whilst revising). Talk to you tomorrow!
Joshua x


pretty picture:

i actually adore typewriters

Finished: 22.01.12 - 23:30

Ciao.
-introductory paragraph-


I am sick of my family complaining about what time I get up in the morning (afternoon). The way they frown upon it, you would have thought I'd committed mass genocide,  not wake up at just gone midday on a Saturday. They all seem to think I sleep for like 15 hours at a time just because I wake up in the afternoon, when in actual fact I probably sleep less than around 7 hours a night on weekend because of the time I go to sleep. I can't think of a time in my life when I could go to sleep quickly and whenever I wanted to. I can remember being about seven, tossing and turning in my bed, struggling to sleep every night. To help pass time, at about midnight, I used the lights from the passing cars to create shadow puppets. I had two characters, the same ones every night, a bunny and rock (I wasn't a very creative child, I know). I used to create little scenes with them fighting, the bunny nearly always won - bunnies are cool. I've been the same for years, on an average night with no school in the morning, I would probably get to sleep at about 2-4 o'clock in the morning. I used to think it was psychological thing, every night before to sleep I just think something along the lines of, "I don't want to sleep, what a waste of time, I'm missing out on so much" after that thought, I would usually put the T.V on or something, so I mentally knew I wasn't wasting time. After looking it up, I've self-diagnosed myself with 'delayed sleep phase syndrome' (that's what us 21st Century kids do, scare our selves shitless by googling symptoms and then thinking we're going to die). All it basically is, you have a certain time when you go to sleep and you can't go to sleep before that, but you sleep for the same amount as 'normal' people, unlike insomnia. There's more information about it here, if you're curious (or just want a reason to stop reading this pointless blog).


My little cousin is sleeping tonight. He is actually obsessed with me. If I buy a Doctor Who figure (don't judge me), he'll have it the next day. When asking him about his new haircut, he replied, "I'm growing to the same length as yours". Last year, I redecorated my bedroom (it has a London theme), then just a few months later, I walk into his room and was greeted by a large collection of red double-deckers, black and white collages featuring a range of London landmarks and a couple of phoneboxes added to the mix. He had copied me bedroom! He even had the same wallpaper! Then just this afternoon, he created a 'Moshi Monsters' account on my laptop, when I took it to enter my email address (I pretended I was his parent...), I noticed his new user names was "Josh7474". My name?! He's harmless though, I suppose. 


All I've done today, really is eat (I sometimes struggle to differentiate boredom and hunger). So I'm going to end the blog now and continue eating. Talk to you tomorrow!
Joshua x


pretty picture:

rabbits are cool (/creepy ninjas)

Finished: 21/01/12 - 23:50

Hej.
This'll probably just be a small blog because nothing has really happened since the last one. My life is just so enthralling! 


The day didn't really get off to the best of starts, I had English first period. Not only was it as boring as ever, but my teacher had some news for us.  A few months ago, we had to write and perform our own drama piece based Romeo and Juliet in groups of five - I had never been so scared in my life, two dozen pairs of eyes staring directly at you, expecting something amazing. I started talking and my body went numb, I just wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. But we wasn't prepared to let a month of planning go to waste, so we channelled our nerves into the performance and tried our best. Our hard work paid off and most of the group received A*s. Probably, because I'm the most confident person in the world and such a Thespian (he says sarcastically).   However, today, our teacher told us, as grades as high as ours are particularly rare, we have to perform it again.  In front of an examiner and the head of department. Again?! We don't even have the script! I'll let you know in a few weeks if I froze or fucked my lines up.


The school day didn't end too well either, I had that Geography exam.  It wasn't too bad as for some reason we had done most of the questions in class, but looking back, I know I've messed up on at least three questions. Woo. All I need is a C or higher anyway, the exam was just to decide whether or not "I'm good enough to take the higher paper". As soon as I got back, I put the kettle on and made a cup-a-soup. I am actually obsessed with them. I've had one like nearly everyday for the past month. I ain't here for any of that croutons shit, though.


I was getting tired of holding my touchPad in bed to watch Come Dine With Me on 4oD, so I've recently made an investment a pack of little Velcro pads and stuck the fluffy ones on the back of tablet and the prickly (I know, I should win an award for explaining and describing things) squares onto the side of my desk, so now I can just quite literally stick it to the desk and watch a video in bed. Aren't you proud of me for being so inventive and using my  initiative? No? Okay. 

Once I get more into the swing of writing blogs, I'll promise to try writing more about specific topics, other than just walking you through my day - I doubt it's interesting for you to read.  If you haven't noticed already, the links to my Tumblr and Twitter are on the bar, above. If you tweet me saying you've read the blog, I'll give you a follow back!


But yeah, I'm off to go finish this tin of Fox's biscuits. Talk to you tomorrow!
Joshua x


pretty picture:

Space and cameras. What more could you want?

Finished: 20/01/12 - 23:51

Hallo.
I absolutely hate those awkward apologies at the start of a blog or article explaining why something is late but ... sorry it's late.  I would have posted it sooner, however, I have spent the last two hours of my oh so riveting and exciting life (it is... honest) revising for a geography exam. She told us about it yesterday. It is tomorrow. It would be a whole lot easier to study for the tests if I actually enjoyed the subject or found at least one topic interesting, I couldn't give two shits about 'Retail and Urban Change' if I'm quite honest. How is it even classified as a geography unit? I wouldn't have  chose it if the humanities department bothered to tell us what the course would en tow, instead they promised us 'lots of fun field trips to lakes and active zones' - the only actual trip we've been on is to a shopping centre... that's down the road! All we did was wander a round the mall, clutching our clipboards and procrastinate asking the public questions.  I finally plucked up the courage to survey this lady who was in, lets just say, the winter of her life, and it ended up with her comparing the local high street to Bay Route and me suggesting she was a transvestite. All in a days work. 


Speaking of exams, I sat the most patronising English exam ever today.

"Spell the word: 'am'"

Am? Am!? You wouldn't believe I'm in my penultimate year of secondary school. Saying that, some people still struggled: "Am or an?" ... "A - M" says another kid in reply, actually spelling the word out... in a spelling test!  I could hardly focus properly in the reading side of the exam as I was  covered, practically head to toe, in mud. The joys of rugby! Whilst I was getting attacked by boys twice the size of me, there was a flood in the girls changing rooms. Not just normal, clean tap water, either. Shit-infused, toilet water actually covered the floor. The girl who caused it (keeping with the try-hard ghetto names, let's call her Martini) says it wasn't her fault and it was an accident. "I was only going to make a water bomb to throw at the wall and it fell in", because that makes it so much better, right? To be fair, even if she didn't do it, she would still probably get blamed for it as she is the mutual hate figure of the year. She once informed my friends and I, "I don't want to kill you! I just want you dead!" Lovely. 


Another reason for why I haven't had time to blog, until now, is that I was at the doctor's. Lately, I just seem to be a walking, talking medical fail. I had an appointment with my GP today, I'm going to the dentist next Wednesday, I'm due at the opticians on the Thursday and then the following week, I have to travel out of town to the orthodontist. I am the epitome of great health. All the doctor did really was confirm the fact I suffer from migraines. Really? I didn't know.  He gave me some tablets and I'm supposed to go back in a few weeks for a check-up. However, if the waiting times are as long as they were today, I'd rather die from a headache.  My appointment was booked for 18:50 and I finally got in there at just gone eight. That's the NHS for you.


WARNING! Never try the Thai flavoured 'Mugshot'. Absolutely disgusting. It smelt like those massive plug-in air fresheners you get (you know, the one with the amazing adverts? By amazing I mean, shockingly shit. But, I have to say, the amateur attempts at lip-syncing  do make me chuckle) that never fit behind the sofa and block the sockets for other plugs. The taste was even worse, it was like you were eating liquefied popery. After just a mouthful, I headed into the back garden and chucked it in the bin. I felt bad for wasting food, but at least the wheelie bin smelt like an over-60s beauty salon.


Anyway, it's getting late so I'm gonna get into bed and watch Masterchef again (it's on 3 times this week!). Talk to you tomorrow!
Joshua x


pretty picture:

i have a thing for sunsets

Finished: 19.01.12 - 23:46

  

Salut. 

I've never really been that good at introductory paragraphs, so do you mind if I go straight into the blog? No? Good.

I've actually had a relatively exciting day (by my standards), I'll start with school. For me, the only bad thing about Wednesdays is the fact I have 'core studies' (and there's no Eastenders). If you're not familiar with it - lucky you - it's basically an hour a week spent learning about 'basic skills and life's necessities'. So instead of revising for exams or actually doing a subject which leads to any qualifications, we study the ins and outs of copyright infringement and create posters about the legal age for buying a scratch card. Did you know, if you bought an 'exspensive sports bag' in October and gave it to someone for Christmas but found out it was faulty, you may not be entitled to a refund? Oh, you don't care? Me neither.  I have to say though, it's no so bad because it allows us to mingle with the lower sets for a bit, the stuff they come out with is like chocolate for the ears.  

"I'm having this baby because my grandma had my mum at the age of 14 and me and my mum turned out perfectly fine..."

Says the slaggiest, skankiest 'girl' in the year.  Let's call her Makosi. Although she is the same age as me, just last year she got engaged to her on-off boyfriend of 10 months. Makosi smokes,  drinks, is thick as shit and yet she think's it'll be a good choice to bring a child into the world? HA.  After my friend and I let out a few laughs at the whole prospect of her being a mother, she threatened to break all our a bones and give us two black eyes. Such fun!


My mum wrote a note for me so I got to sit out during P.E. If I'm honest, if I had known what he'd make me do, I would've rather played rugby - headache or not.  First, he told me to walk around the field and pick up all the litter. LITTER PICK?! Oh what treasures I saw, a couple dozen empty bottles of cider (I swear some were refilled with piss), a few Toffee Crisp wrappers and a half eaten apple (yes, I was as surprised as you are - chavs eat fruit?!). Then, he insisted I heaved the dummies to the middle of the field. Yet he somehow failed to tell me the other side was covered in mud, I ended up with more mud on me than most of the kids actually playing!


The only other memorable thing is the 10 minutes James and I spent cackling about Adele's cackle. See below for the greatest thing you will ever hear: 

I got over 70 notes on a Tumblr image today too! A new record for me, a very proud moment indeed. Here's my Tumblr >>> ooo mysterious link that can lead to anywhere! (If anywhere, is in fact my Tumblr page). <<< I follow back!


In other news, at about 4 o'clock today,  a man was seen on top of the local Asda. Yes, a man was on the roof of a supermarket. Apparently, he threatened a member of staff with a knife and then made his way through the shop and somehow, ended up on the roof. After a several hour confrontation, involving a police helicopter, I believe he has made his way down safely.  Too  further add to the excitement the day beckoned, just before 7pm, a loud bang shook the houses of my town. BOOM (love a bit of onomatopoeia)!  After scrolling through the endless amount of Facebook posts (which mainly consisted of "OMGG!! Jus erd a big ban! wot woz it?!!1!" and "SO SCARED! TOLD YOU THE WORLD WAS GONNA END IN 2012!"), it's still not entirely clear why/how it happened. A few theories suggested are: it was the sound of the gunshot that 
was supposedly aimed at the infamour 'Asda man' - which is entirely untrue as he eventually came down, unharmed and another being a sonic boom (when something reaches and surpasses the speed of sound) caused the thud, this was backed up by several sightings of a plane over head just after the noise.  I personally think it was just a wild Snorlax farting.


That just about wraps up the blog, I'm off to finish my scone (how typically British of me) and probably watch Celebrity Big Brother - don't judge me! Talk to you tomorrow! 
Joshua x


pretty picture:

83 notes and counting!

Finished: 18/01/12 - 22:14

Hi.
Seeing as it's my first post, I'll introduce myself first,  I'm Josh. What's your name? I'm 14 and I live in (not so) Great Britain.  I'm going to try post everyday to let you know what's going on in my life, because you're all interested in what colour socks I'm wearing (green) and whether or not I missed my bus, right?!  Urgh, now the boring, cringe-worthy introduction is over, I'll get started!


Migraines. I actively despise them. I can just picture them in my head, "He's had a good morning so far, shall we change that? I know, let's make him go a little blind, give him a headache and hope he's sick at least 4 times? Lets do it!". Okay, okay. I doubt that actually happens, but still.  Just an hour into school, I was sent home. Yea! - no school. Nay! - bed ridden with a blistering headache.  I was awoken by the thundering knocks of the delivery man, was it really necessary to practically smash the door down? I scrambled for my dressing gown, and went to let him.  He would have had another thing coming if he had asked me to help him bring the new fridge in (I say that, but I would have probably been too scared and intimidated to say anything ).  After spending a sad 10 minutes admiring the new refrigerator,  I got redressed and went to get my passport photo done with my dad - yes, my parents are divorced and I'm going to blame all my social oddities and pathetic behaviour on the traumatic experience *rolls eyes at attention seeking kids*  - and don't even get me started on how vile my photo was. Picture your biggest phobia, then add a naked picture of Adele to the scene. That bad.

But yeah, that's as exciting my life gets. I'm off to watch Masterchef and eat excessive amounts of fatty foods,  talk to you tomorrow!
Joshua x


pretty picture: 

three cheers for cheesy alliteration?

Finished: 17/01/12 - 22:46